Jen and Dan are joined by Licensed Professional Counselor Heather Medley in this episode. Heather shares some practical tips that will help moms navigate the first year with a new baby.
Announcer (00:00):
Welcome to the Mom's Circle podcast, presented by Floyd Medical Center, a place for new moms, veteran moms, and moms-to-be to hear expert advice from experienced healthcare professionals. Here are your hosts, Dan Bevels and Jen Carroll.
Dan Bevels (00:17):
Welcome in everyone for another episode of the Mom's Circle podcast. I'm Dan Bevels and we're so glad to be with you today to help you as you move through what may be a new phase of your life. You may be expecting for the first time, maybe you have a baby and it's your first and you're just trying to figure out how this works. We just want to do everything that we can to help you and we're excited to be here and to do that. I just, right off the bat, want to welcome in Jen Carroll again who is an expert in the field. She is a childbirth and lactation educator at Floyd Medical Center and we're so grateful to have her on the team. Jen, I've said this before but I learn something every time I talk to you, so I'm looking forward to do that again today.
Jen Carroll (01:00):
Well, I am so thankful for all the experts that we can bring in, people that really know their fields and certainly today we have a strong expert in the field to help us and so I'm really thankful for that.
Dan Bevels (01:18):
And we're going to get to that in just a second and let you introduce our guest, but before we do that, I would encourage you to email us if you have questions about the podcast, maybe a topic that we're discussed you want to learn more about and you have a question related to that, or if you have suggestions for future topics we would love to hear from you there, because we really want this to be a community. It's important for it to be a two way conversation and we want to hear from you. You can email us at momscircle@floyd.org. Momscircle@floyd.org and let us know if you have questions or comments or thoughts or anything like that. As a matter of fact, Jen, I have one for you this morning that I think is a good one and maybe something that will help a lot of folks. The question is, how much water should my child drink?
Jen Carroll (02:01):
That's a great question especially as we look to springtime down here in the south and we think about heat. I just want to encourage moms in those first six months of life, that babies do not need anything if you're breastfeeding other than breast milk. Your breast milk will quench thirst and so again, breast milk is all they need in those first six months. The same thing will be true of formula in the first six months of life. So, we don't want to add water before six months and the reason for that is that we want to make sure that babies are filling their little bellies with breast milk or formula that provides nutrition. Water is great for us and we need it, but it doesn't provide calories. And so, in the first six months of life, remember, we don't start giving any water or anything else other than breast milk or formula.
Jen Carroll (03:15):
Now, when you start to add water at six months or when your baby starts to do complimentary feeding, then again, it's just going to be sips of water. We don't want the water to replace formula or breast milk in their life. So, it's just teaching them basically how to take sips of water, how to drink out of a sippy cup but we don't want to fill them up with water; they should be getting plenty of fluids. And definitely, it's hot in the summer and you're outside, absolutely you can give them sips of water but let's don't fill them up with water. Let's make sure that that's coming from breast milk or formula.
Dan Bevels (04:05):
That's great advice, Jen, and that's a question I don't guess I've really thought of because we talk so much about breastfeeding and formula and so much in those early stages, so a great question and great advice. If you have a question like that, again, it's momscircle@floyd.org. Jen, we've got a great topic today and an expert guest to help us along with that. So, I'm just going to sit back, turn it over to you and let you introduce our guest and launch into the conversation.
Jen Carroll (04:31):
Thank you. Okay, well today we're going to be talking about something really close to my heart. Because I work with moms and I am very concerned for mom's well-being as well as the baby, today we're going to be talking about self-care for new moms. We have a wonderful professional with us today, Heather Medley is joining us. Heather is a licensed professional counselor and she's also a mom. So Heather, welcome.
Heather Medley (05:08):
Thank you, Jen. Thanks for inviting me and I'm excited about this opportunity.
Jen Carroll (05:13):
Can you tell us just a little bit about you before we get into the topic this morning?
Heather Medley (05:19):
Sure. So, I'm a licensed professional counselor here in the state of Georgia. I'm also a certified professional counseling supervisor. I've been in Rome, Georgia for now about nine years. I received my bachelor of arts from Berry College way back in the day and then I got my master of arts in counseling at Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando. I see mostly women of adult age ranging with a variety of presenting issues, but most specifically I see a lot of trauma. I've been trained in several trauma informed modalities, but I'm also a Circle of Security parenting facilitator.
Jen Carroll (06:06):
Wow, well Heather, you are just the right person to be with us today. We're just going to jump right in to the topic. Why do you think that self-care is so hard for moms?
Heather Medley (06:25):
Yeah, so Jen, when I think about right after I had my babies, that really informed what I think here, and I think it's so difficult to learn how to care for a newborn and it takes so much of our mental and physical and emotional energy that we do not have much left over to apply to caring for ourselves unless we are really intentional about it.
Jen Carroll (06:56):
Yeah, absolutely. It's like how can I possibly do anything else? I hear that all the time. I think that moms have some awareness most of the time, some moms don't, but they have some awareness that they need to try and take care of themselves, but they're actually just too exhausted to do anything in those early weeks postpartum.
Heather Medley (07:19):
Exactly.
Jen Carroll (07:20):
And yet, it's really important. So, why would a mom make the time or give that energy to self-care?
Heather Medley (07:27):
Yeah, that's a great question. The analogy that I think really describes the reason why it's important to do self-care is the analogy of the airplane and the air mask. And many of you have maybe heard this before, but when you get on an airplane to fly somewhere, the flight attendant stands in the front of the airplane and they give you a set of instructions. One of those things that they say is that if you encounter turbulence on this flight, the air mask from the ceiling will drop down, and for you to put your air mask on first. The reason why they say that is because usually if you're there with someone you love, your first reaction is going to be to put the air mask on the person you love, you want to take care of them.
Heather Medley (08:13):
But what can happen is, if you don't put your air mask on first, then you could pass out, you could not get enough air and you can end up on the floor, and then the people that you're there to take care of won't have anyone to take care of them. And that is the same truth that is true for postpartum mothers. Whenever you first have a baby, if you're giving everything you have to the baby and you're not taking care of yourself, you can get depleted really quick to the point that the needs that the baby has actually won't get met because you don't have anything left to give.
Jen Carroll (08:48):
I love that analogy, Heather, and I think that that's a message that even other people in the family need to kind of hear and understand, that actually we all need to be making sure that we've fitted our air masks on before we're trying to take care of the other people in the family. So, that self-responsibility is actually what empowers us to take care of others. I think a lot of times, as you mentioned, that is not the first instinct of mothers. When I meet with mothers one of the first things I ask them is when did you take a shower the last time or whatever, just the basics get lost in the demands of the newborn. Even, I find, that mom already has another child, it's even more difficult for her to spend time on self-care. So, let's talk a little about what does self-care look like and so maybe we can make it something that's actually a goal that can be reached. Because right now, I think people think that self-care would take a whole lot of time and they just don't have any time. But, let's talk about what is self-care?
Heather Medley (10:14):
Yeah, so there's lots of definitions. If you Google self-care, lots of things would come up. But the one that I like the most, is that self-care is any activity that we do in order to take care of improve our mental, emotional and physical health. It's the things that we do that refuels us, and that gives us what we need.
Jen Carroll (10:39):
Okay, so that definition makes a much broader scope and I can think of a lot of things that moms can do that could actually promote self-care, but again, we have barriers to that. One of them I would think is recognizing that we even need it. If you ask moms how they're doing they usually say, "Oh, I'm good. I'm tired but I'm good." So, how do we even know that we're a person that needs self-care?
Heather Medley (11:10):
Yeah, so I think the number one place to start is to almost be like a detective of yourself and to start paying attention of how you're feeling. Feelings are a big deal, they're kind of like the dashboard of the car. They let us know what needs care. And so, if a mom is feeling really angry when the baby cries it may be a sign that the mom hasn't slept in a really long time and she needs some sleep. Or, if the mom finds herself feeling really depressed or tearful it may be that she hasn't had any connections to community or even physical activity. So, I think a great place to start is to pay attention to what's going on inside of your body, because what we need is going to depend on how you're feeling and our specific situations because for each person self-care may mean something different.
Jen Carroll (12:13):
Okay, so let's talk about that a little more. I love the visual of the car dashboard and all those lights come on there. I think for me, what comes on is that sometimes lights come on and I don't even know what that means. It's like, okay, there's a light on on the dashboard and I actually have to get out the book to figure out what is going on and if that's something that means stop now, go to the mechanic, or if it's something that I can wait and deal with later. So, I'm thinking of some lights that come on on a mom's dashboard. Sometimes, obviously, people say to moms that you're going to be sleep deprived, but I think that moms don't recognize how sleep deprived you can be and what might that look like. What are some symptoms of that sleep deprivation? They say sleep when the baby sleeps, but I don't know a lot of moms that are able to accomplish that. I mean, some moms can but if you have other children that's like impossible completely. So, sleep when the baby sleeps doesn't always work. So, let's talk about some of those lights that can come on on mom's personal life dashboard that sometimes she just dismisses. She ignores.
Heather Medley (13:38):
Yeah, what you're saying, Jen, I think is the most important one, it's sleep. When I started my graduate school degree in counseling, one of the very first things that my first professor said was, "If you have a client and they're not sleeping, no matter what intervention you do moving forward, it's not going to help unless they get some sleep. So, you need to always be asking how is your sleep?" And that's true for new moms as well. I read a study a couple of years ago about a group that had taken about 1000 participants and they divided them up into two groups and one group they had deprived of sleep for 48 hours off and on. They got a little sleep, but for 48 hours they pulled back on the amount of sleep they could get, and the other group got normal sleep.
Heather Medley (14:28):
Then they had them take a test where they memorized words and then recalled the words. There were two lists of words, one had positive words on them and the other list had negative words. Both groups recalled the same amount of words, but the group that had not had any sleep recalled 80% more negative words than the other group. And so, the conclusion of the study was that sleep drastically impacts the way we focus and view the world. It had actually not effected their cognitive ability, but it had impacted what they focused on. And so, they were able to see the negatives and memorize the negatives far easier than they were the positives. I think that's an important study for new moms because some of the signs that may show that we need some sleep is that we can start feeling really negative. We can start coming out sideways. We can get really angry when we hear a baby cry or we can feel really anxious. There are multiple issues that can happen after birth that may be more intense, but sometimes they can be relieved by getting some sleep.
Heather Medley (15:49):
And so, I think the first part is to start when you're feeling things happening that aren't normal for you and you're feeling that your fuse is a little short, investigating how much sleep am I actually getting? Because it's pieced, right? When you first have a baby, you're sleeping two hours here, you're sleeping two hours there, you're sleeping two hours there. And so, looking at that and saying, "Hey, actually I've only slept 12 hours in the last four days," which can be a real thing for a mom. [crosstalk 00:16:18]. And then, getting the help that you need.
Jen Carroll (16:20):
Right, yeah. I saw a study just the last week that said most new moms get a total of six hours sleep in 24 hours. And that's not all at one time. That's like snippets of sleep. I think that this is a real issue and it effects... I love what you said about how sweet often goes to the negative because it makes moms feel overwhelmed because they're sleep deprived. So, it's not intentional, it's not something they're trying to do or that they're not a nice person, it's actually a biological thing that's going on, that their body has this sleep deprivation.
Heather Medley (17:04):
Right Jen, and I think that's important for moms to know, because I think that during those first months after having a newborn there can be the tendency to get really hard on ourselves and there's all the different voices. People are telling you what you should do, what you shouldn't do, how you should get your baby to sleep, how you shouldn't... all these things. And so, the tendency to have a guilty or critical voice is real, and then if you add to that no sleep, it can just feel really magnified. So, I think giving moms a tangible thing to say, "You know what? Actually, if I got some more sleep I may feel a little more clear-headed than I do right now." And allowing that to be a motivator to get some help, because often times, if you're a single mom, I mean, obviously you need some help.
Heather Medley (17:57):
But asking a significant other, your spouse, to take a feeding in the middle of the night or if you're breastfeeding pumping extra so that they can do that, or calling a friend over to watch the baby during an awake time for the baby so that you can take a nap. All of those things are actually you taking more care of your baby. Because the more you're going to be able to show up more like you really are, the more you're going to be able to attach to the baby, the more you're going to be able its needs, and the baby is going to feel more connected and attached to you as well.
Jen Carroll (18:34):
Yeah, so many things come to my mind and I think of specific women that I've spoken to who would say to me, especially in those first months, but even longer, even through the first year, "I'm just such a terrible mother." Or, "I did a bad job of parenting today because," and then I'd say, "Well, how was your night last night?" And they'd say, "I was up from 2 am to 4 am because the baby decided to wake up," or whatever was going on, "And today, I haven't done all these things that social media and other people are telling me needs to happen every day with my baby." And I think, "Are you kidding me? You didn't get any sleep last night. The fact that the baby is healthy, safe, fed, in a safe environment all day today is a win. That's a win, you did great." But this tying the sleep deprivation to that negative voice really is powerful because I think, as you said, this guilt thing is really frequent with new moms.
Jen Carroll (19:49):
And there's actually nothing they want to do better than be a great mom. They really want to be a great mom, but sleep deprivation can color their world and it makes things look really negative. So, I love the recommendations that you're making about asking for help, recognizing you're not your normal self and you need some help. But it also can really feed into other mental health issues. Sleep deprivation is actually a torture technique, right?
Heather Medley (20:29):
Right, and it can bring on psychosis. So, that is definitely a real issue to be aware of and another motivating factor to ask for help so that you can get the sleep that you need. I think, Jen, just to say this, we used to live far more communal than we do now. And so, I think a mom can so much pressure to do it all and to do it all alone, where several generations before we were living in communities where there were other moms that were always right there to help us and to step in and to connect in kind of this communal living. And so, I think even that knowledge can help us to know that we're not supposed to do it alone. If we can ask for help for the people that feel safe to us to ask for help, do it.
Jen Carroll (21:19):
That is great. Again, it's a powerful statement. That's a myth that many mothers base their lives on every day, that I'm supposed to not only do this alone, but my home is supposed to be perfect, I'm making delicious meals and my partner's coming home to these amazing meals. And, I'm supposed to look beautiful every day. So, all of these things, these expectations, are really unrealistic for new moms. And for some moms, this time can also lead to more sever mental health problems. We know that postpartum depression is real. It's not a character issue. Can you speak to that for us?
Heather Medley (22:06):
Yeah so, one in seven moms suffer from postpartum depression from the last research that's been done, and that's a lot. That's a lot of moms. [crosstalk 00:22:15]. It is, yeah. I think it's important to be aware of that. There's going to be some normal emotional shifts that happen after you have a baby. There's going to be what they call the baby blues, where the first couple weeks after having a baby you might find yourself crying more than normal. You may find yourself feeling all sorts of things because of what's happening hormonally inside of your body, and you just went through a life changing experience. But, if you find that those feelings continue to linger for a longer time, so you find that you're feeling very, very anxious or that you don't want to connect to your baby or you don't want to get out of bed, or you're feeling just thoughts of harming yourself or harming your baby, things like that are really big red flags that you need some deeper help than just sleep and some of these other things we're going to talk about today.
Heather Medley (23:08):
So in that case, I would recommend seeking out help from your doctor, is usually the first good place to go because you're seeing them a lot right after you have a baby, even your pediatrician could be a place. Whoever you're seeing that's a professional that's just like, "Hey, this is what's happening for me." But then also, you can call in a therapist, there's also a hotline called Postpartum Support and I have that number that I think, Jen, maybe you could put up on your Facebook page, that people can call to get someone to talk to if they're feeling those things, because those things definitely need some care quickly.
Jen Carroll (23:49):
Yeah, one of the things that is always a red flag for me is when moms say, "I'm a really crummy mom. My baby would be better off with another mother." That's a major flag going up there, and so having moms to understand if you're feeling that, if you're feeling like this baby should have had a different mother, I'm just not good enough, that is actually a diagnostic sign that we need to talk, webcast that's not rational thought. But that's a very deep and real feeling that some mothers have.
Heather Medley (24:25):
Right, it is. And so, that's definitely a flag to get some care because there's lots of things that's going on in our bodies after we have a baby, and they can't say exactly X plus Y plus Z is what equals postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety. But we do know there's increased pressure, like you were talking about earlier, there's all of these changes that are happening inside but it doesn't mean that you're broken if this is where you are. It just means that you need some extra care so that you can show up the way that you really want to show up with your baby.
Jen Carroll (25:01):
Right, and so postpartum care and self-care for those mothers who may experience postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety, is even more necessary, you've got to get care. I thought of another person, a provider, the lactation consultants. We see a lot of our moms postpartum and they are great resource for helping moms who are having any symptoms of postpartum depression or anxiety. So, feel confident that you're not going to surprise them talking about how you feel postpartum when you see a lactation consultant. And even our childbirth educators, we are prepared and we offer that support. Of course, we don't treat postpartum depression but we can support you as we find the way through. You are not alone. We can find a way through. So yeah, mental well-being is a definite part of this self-care that needs to happen. And for partners to realize, this isn't because she's a bad mom, this is about chemistry going on in her body. And like you said, there's not like an A plus B equals C. There's a lot of factors that go into postpartum mood disorders.
Heather Medley (26:22):
Yeah exactly. I want to say this one thing because you were mentioning this and it prompted this in me, I do want to just hone in on you takin g care of those things is you taking care of your baby. So, if you're feeling that anxiety and depression and those thoughts of my baby deserves another mother, that's actually going to impact your baby negatively. So, the quicker that you can get the care you need, is actually you taking care of your baby because what your baby really needs more than anything else in the world, is you. And it's not the formula, this is how you're going to do it or the schedule that's perfect, it just needs care from you. And so, if you can do care so that you can show up in that way, the better it is for your baby.
Jen Carroll (27:12):
Right, another light that comes on on the dashboard of mom's life is a lack of interest in physical care for herself. Like just, I can't remember when I ate last. I don't know when I had a shower. Can we talk about that a little bit when it comes to self-care, because that's definitely a light that comes on the dashboard of hey, you know? It's kind of like the tires on the car, you're not taking care of your tires.
Heather Medley (27:47):
Right, exactly. You make a good point about eating. Eating is a big deal. And especially, you mentioned earlier, mom feeling a pressure to look a certain way right after they've given birth and the pictures and all the things, sometimes moms will feel this pressure of like I've got to get these pounds off or I've got to do X, Y, Z, and that can sometimes even impact their eating. But it's super important that you're getting the calories that you need to care for your baby especially if you're breastfeeding. We have research that shows calorie deprivation also impacts the brain, and so if a mom's not eating that's going to impact her ability to be present and engage with her baby. And so, making it an intentional action to be eating the calories that you need is really important.
Jen Carroll (28:37):
Right, and that pressure, like you mentioned, that pressure is real. That pressure is real to show that you're making progress. But it's not the most important thing, postpartum. The most important thing is recovery instead of getting ready to wear a bathing suit again. It's recovering from having a baby and then also nutrition, like you said, making sure that your body has the building blocks fore recovery.
Heather Medley (29:05):
Right, it's very important. Our food, what we're putting in our body, it impacts our mood as well. And so, being aware of that, I think, is important for self-care.
Jen Carroll (29:16):
Right. And people always... how can I help you, how can I help you? Well, this would definitely be one of the ways that people who are in relationship with that new mom can be helpful. Bringing a meal or even later, after the first couple of weeks when people often won't bring meals and everything, remembering that sometimes if you know this person well and they're your good friend, and let's say you're out and you are picking up something you know she really loves to eat, getting something for her and dropping it by her house and saying, "Hey, I just thought of you today when I was out getting whatever, and I wanted to share it with you." I mean, that's a real practical way to encourage new moms to feed themselves. Because probably if you drop it off they're going to eat it. So again, helping them.
Jen Carroll (30:13):
Or if you're making, let's say you're making banana bread at home or something like that, hey cut some slices and drop them off at that new mom's house. Or whatever, because the truth is that is a very practical way help her have self-care, that she will take the time and nurture herself with that delicious thing that you bring. So, I'm just trying to think of other ways. And even partners, think about how partners can really help in this way and recognize that you know what, let me make you a smoothie before I go to work. Some way to make sure that mom gets some food. It may take five more minutes, but it can really be helpful.
Heather Medley (31:04):
Right, it's a very practical way that people can help care for moms. And for moms, I think asking for those things. If somebody says, "Hey, how can I help you?" Sometimes it's hard to think of things. But to say, "Hey, if you really want to help me drop me off a meal on Friday night." [crosstalk 00:31:20]
Jen Carroll (31:19):
Exactly.
Heather Medley (31:19):
Using our voice to say that, sometimes we don't want to do that. But again, the more that we can ask for help it's going to be us actually helping out baby, if we can kind of think of it that way. Receiving help is going to help us show up the way that we want to and need to for our baby to get the connection and the development from being in contact with us and being present that they need.
Jen Carroll (31:47):
Right. And that goes back to that myth that many moms believe, and that is that they should be able to do this all by themselves. I think actually partners buy into that. It's like we're a family, we should be able to do this all on our own. That's just a lie. That's just a lie, so if we can get that out there and say, "Hey you know what? It's not meant to be all by yourself." If moms can actually struggle with that and say, "It's okay. I am not a failure if I ask somebody to help me." And that could range from not only food but other activities. Asking a friend, "Hey, can you take my four year old and let them have a play group once a week?" And definitely I'm going to return that favor, but right now I'm just needing some extra help here." And not feeling guilty about that.
Heather Medley (32:47):
Right, it's actually something that you're taking responsibility for. It's the opposite of being weak because it's you really taking responsibility and asking for what you need. I can remember after I had my last baby, I had a four year old little boy and I had a dear friend who came over in the middle of her day and just took my four year old outside and played for an hour so I could sleep while the baby was sleeping, because I wasn't able to do that with a four yar old at home. So, I think receiving that from your community of friends or asking for that when you can is really important.
Jen Carroll (33:22):
Absolutely. So Heather, can you think of anything for those mothers who are single moms, like where to turn and empowering them, because it's still true for them, single moms, young moms, people who don't have another person sharing any kind of baby care in the home, any words of encouragement for them? Because they're going to have the same needs.
Heather Medley (33:51):
If you are a single mom out there, I think one, brainstorming who your support system is and hopefully you have one, whether it's neighbors or whether it's family members that live in town, whoever it is, kind of brainstorming and making a list of those that you can reach out to. But if you don't have those people, I think looking for groups where you can get connected. This Mom's Circle, Jen, that you're doing on [inaudible 00:34:20], allowing that to be a place where you can connect with other moms, because even if you're a new mom and you're friends with somebody else who's a new mom and you guys don't have any other support, you can kind of tag team with one another to help get some of that care that you need, especially around sleep. Like I'll watch these two for an hour and you get to sleep and then you watch them and let me get some sleep.
Jen Carroll (34:41):
Exactly, exactly.
Heather Medley (34:42):
That kind of stuff, or if it's a different group like the La Leche League or places where you can kind of connect with people who are there are want to support and sometimes you've got to brainstorm and Google, but I'm sure that there are might even resource lists, Jen, that you might know about that people can connect to those nonconventional places where you'll get the care and support that you need, because even if you're a single mom, you still need some sort of support and community.
Jen Carroll (35:14):
Absolutely. And there are resources, and we try and do that on the Mom's Circle Facebook page, is making sure that moms know of resources for support. One of the beautiful things about that page is just the compassion these moms have for each other. I mean, other moms are amazing and they're just really positive, affirming and compassionate in support of each other. That has been one of the delights of my heart is to observe that in the group. I mean, it's a closed group and so we really have an amazing group of moms who are positive and helpful and not at all shaming of each other. They're just like, "Yeah, I get you." And so, being a part of that group can really help moms give themselves permission to reach out to others and get that support that they need. There are also products and services that can help moms. Can you talk about that just a little bit?
Heather Medley (36:21):
Yeah, you mentioned earlier the lactation consultants, that can be a huge support for moms who are breastfeeding, or your pediatrician is a huge support, can be a huge support for moms. Your primary care physician is a great place to connect with or a therapist or something like that, because there may be times where you need even more support than what we even talked about. We talked about postpartum depression, we talked about anxiety, there may be a point where you may need a medication adjustment or you may need some things like that just to be part of self-care, and so I think being aware of those places that you can ask for help or share with them what you're experiencing, just to get another voice that says, "Yeah, that's normal, " or "No, maybe you might want to start this medication that might help." Those are good resources to know about.
Jen Carroll (37:15):
And even with our WIC moms, there's a lot of things offered through WIC, a lot of support that is out there to try and help moms work through these things. And so, just recognizing there is a lot of support in the community, but you have to be able to ask for it. You have to say, "You know what, I need some more support, and that's okay that I need more support." Because, there are a lot of things out there to help our moms. So, I so hope and I really believe that our time together and our talk today will first of all silence the lie that yu have to be able to do this all by yourself and recognize that's not the created plan. We're supposed to work in community. And secondly, recognize those lights that come on on your personal dashboard. I know that sometimes depression can look like irritability when actually it can be depression.
Jen Carroll (38:22):
And moms feel so guilty, "Oh, I'm such an irritable bad person." No, maybe you're struggling with some depression, and sleep deprivation plays into that depression. Or, "I just don't have the energy to play with my child and I'm such a bad mom about that." No, it could be that you're exhausted and you really need sleep. So, instead of trying to ignore those lights, actually be exploring what those lights might be trying to tell you. And then, let's do some adult problem solving to deal with them.
Heather Medley (38:57):
Exactly Jen, I think that just kind of sums up everything. Paying attention to what you're feeling and what you're experiencing, let that me the guide to understand what you need. And it may be, like you mentioned earlier, it may be you just need to take a bath, it may be that you just need to move your body. Not anything intense, where you're like starting an exercise regimen, but we feel better if we're out in the sun and we're walking. Just asking yourself, "Where am I and what haven't I done this week that maybe I need to do," because taking care of you is going g to be the best way that you can take care of your baby. And taking that responsibility to ask for what you need and connecting and being the investigator of what you need, is going to set you up to be more connected and attached and attuned to your baby which is what we all ultimately want because that's going to help them be successful.
Jen Carroll (39:50):
Right. Well Heather, you have been so helpful today and thank you so much for giving your time to explore this topic with me. I really appreciate it. I think so many mothers resonate with what we've talked about today. So, thank you so much for being with us. Wasn't this great, Dan?
Dan Bevels (40:09):
It really was. Great information, and Heather I just echo what Jen said, thank you for taking the time to share with us. I think you helped an awful lot of folks today.
Heather Medley (40:18):
Thank you.
Dan Bevels (40:18):
Well Jen, just another wonderful one and folks if you're listening and you have questions about any of the things that Jen and Heather talked about today, you can email us at momscircle@floyd.org. You can also be a part of our Mom's Circle at Floyd Facebook group. It's a great place for information and support. So, if you have questions or comments about today's episode then you can certainly share those with us there. Jen, I look forward to more great topics like this and more insightful experts like Heather.
Jen Carroll (40:46):
Yes, absolutely. Thanks Dan, for making this happen today. We just really appreciate you and the effort that you put in to making this happen for moms.
Dan Bevels (40:56):
Well, thank you Jen, it's always a pleasure to be a part of it. I just encourage you folks again to check out Floyd.org/baby. You can find the My Floyd Baby app there and great information that will help you along in your journey, which is what this is all about. Well, we look forward to talking to you again on a future episode, until then, stay safe and have a great rest of your week. Thanks.
Announcer (41:19):
Thanks for joining us on the Mom's Circle podcast. Be sure to join our Mom's Circle Facebook group for more conversation between Floyd's experts and moms like you. And if you have any questions about today's podcast, or would like to suggest a topic for an upcoming episode, email us at momscircle@floyd.org. Also, if you haven't already, be sure to download the My Floyd Baby app for a personalized health newsfeed for every member of your family. You can find the app at Floyd.org/baby or in your app store. Thanks for joining us.